Day 51: Who's holding the rope?

In shadow valley of death, I feal no evil. But, what if the evil is perhabs myself? Lets explore this theory. 

During this summer I spent my time in a halfway house. I volunteered to move out from the comfort of my families presence to relocate in a facility used to aid the needy and homeless. Due to the lack of resources and available jobs around this was a last ditch effort to find work. I managed to find work through temp labor doing mostly retail work during the summer blaze in Panama City. During my tenure in the program I had several visions and dreams about myself. I saw myself shape shift into a phantom, a shadow, a void with apendages along with glooming white eyes that radiat miles. When I was in this form I destroyed, killed and maimed for no apparent reason everything and everyone around me in broad daylight. I woke up in a cold sweat, scared and terrified for my well being and well being of others that I was this monster in real life that I thought of myself. I paused and asked my holy creator to interpret this dream for me. I contest that the Holy Trinity revealed to me was a spirit of fusteration. 

As I continued on to explore this idea many tragic events occured. The death of my father, brother, the possible death of a distant friend, the sheer collapse of my industry, my current living situation, overweight, and the loss of clear direction. in the midst of all this rubble and chaos, I talked to a coach named Scott from Emerald Coast Jiu Jitsu. After a brief introduction to each other, I shared with him my current state of affairs and he was generous to tell me a similiar story with his daughter. She was a gifted artisan, one who excelled in her craft. She went on to go to Scad and get her BFA in Illustration only to get cancer shortly after getting a job. The cancer spread and effected her hands. For two years she wasn't able to creat things with her hands anymore then, suddenly she collapses over dead. I was frozen, despaired of such realities. But then, I came to realization. Art is not a priviledge but a responsiblity. From then on I went back to my roots as an illustrator, journeying and learning the art of visual storytelling again. Figuring out ways through Platonic metaphysics and allegorical conceptions on how to combat evil in my craft. After all, I call myself The Demiurge. 

I had a vision, one day walking to work of this. There was a forest where people were getting slaughtered, raped and abused. Children and animals being eaten alive by a boogieman. A warrior volunteered to travel to the boogieman's cave to kill it. The warrior found the cave of such a creature and was ready to battle it. The warrior stepped foot inside the cave and went toe to toe with the beast. After a long duration the beast was slain, however the warrior was so deep into the cave he didn't know how to leave it. By the time the warrior left the cave, he came back with red eyes and sharp fangs. I'm conviced that the warrior since he was lost and spent too much time in the shadows of the cave and confronted with evil in true form, he eventually became the monster he slained. Through bloodlust and revenge, living in fear of being lost in the dark, one could argue that this could be a real possible outcome to the soul with enough exposure to raw violence and chaos. This is how the Archons of the world function. So the question is, who's holding the rope when I go in the cave to confront my Archons?

I came to realize at some point that this spirit of fusteration is rooted in my self image, my self conciousness. Fusterated in myself and my projection into others, I began to see patterns of thought and forms my mind would make. After taking a counseling session in my final week at the mission, I came to the startling conclusion that my self image is rooted in my grief. I use violence as a way to release my fusteration and to express my grief. Is this immoral? Perhabs in certain context's yes but one could argue it has led to achieve great things and to master certain skills and crafts on my life journey, to motivate me to stop evil before it consumes another soul. To be soldier for the Church and the Trinity. 

Archon's i believe are forms of evil. They influnce the physical, metaphysical and other realities that we haven't been exposed too. Even if these are just mere metaphors, it is my duty as a Platonist and as a Greek Orthodox Christian to combat evil. Like the Apostle Paul said to his letter of Ephesians, we wrestle in principalities, powers and evil rulers in heavenly places. My job is to snuff them out. To be the Hero I needed when I was a kid. To be the legend of The Demiurge.