Day 52: Clarity

    

    For a long time I didn’t really understood what confidence, ego, and even myself throughout my 20’s. It was a period of confusion, self doubt, and insecurity. However despite this I was able to finish the job that I set my mind to, which has achieving high levels of craftsmanship in cg. As I went through the Panama City Rescue Mission last summer and returning back to Orlando over the holidays last year I began to understand myself alot deeper. No noise, distractions, or people derailing me. As I was left to myself I began to slowly unravel my motivations, personalities, and why I think the way I do. For along time I used to think there was something wrong with me, that I was dirty, angry, this evil thing that people didn’t understood. But as I took time for myself and observed my own habits and thoughts I began to see myself as something different. My intense nature is often misunderstood even by my own friends and family. My stories and way I portray myself flies over the head of some folks. I also began to see myself as a “failed” artist based on my weak resume and limited studio experience due to me leaving the industry due to burn out and loss of passion. But none of these things are true about me. I didn’t not fail as an artist, I grew. I’m not ravenous angry man, I’m intense with strong convictions. I’m not an edgy nihilist, I’m Greek Orthodox that believes in Judgement against depravity. At this point, I know who I am, but more importantly I know what I am NOT. And now that I have a potential job lined up at the new Innovation Center in Orlando and possible film projects lined up its time to get back to work and stop feeling sorry for myself. The biggest cretic I had wasn’t the people in the industry, fake friends, or family, it was me.

As I woke up, the sky was turning red

- Demiurge